The Ever Elusive Calling to Greatness

I am torn. It has been several days since my last entry and although I desire to continue forward I am too often bogged down with my other obligations. Even now, I struggle to eek out some time from my schedule to write this entry. I feel as if I am fighting a war on three fronts. I am competing with my colleagues at work for better pay and positions, I am competing with my classmates for recognition and grades and I am competing with my own sense of who I should have been by now.

Work provides me with the means to live and class is an extension of that professional life while fulfilling a deep need within me to always feel as if I am bettering myself. I have tried to align these two fronts as best I can, using work projects for class assignments, focusing on work related issues as case studies, but it still feels as if I am stretched too thin. Add to this my philosophical wanderings and it becomes all together too much.

I know what I should do, serve only one master for either I will hate the one and love the other or love the one and hate the other but I cannot continuing striving to succeed in business and academia while at the same time going beyond both to attain to an ever elusive calling to greatness.

But I can't give any of it up, especially not the latter. It seems that the less it fits in with the rest of my life, the more I need it as a part of my life. Schooling will come to end, eventually, but this journey to find my place, my calling, is too essential to who I have come to understand myself to be. I am afraid to turn aside from that journey, despite the late nights, frayed consciousness and lingering sense of frustration because I feel as if the moment I turn away, I will loose the path entirely.